Dear Lady

Dear Lady,

I had a macabre dream about you this morning before I woke up. I dreamt that instead of cremating you, we sent you to a butcher to skin you and chop up your body. It had something to do with a post-mortem autopsy and trying to find out if it was cancer or whatever else that was ailing you.

I took your remains home in a plastic shopping bag, all your severed limbs, and your head sticking out the top of the bag. As we walked down the sidewalk, I pet your head and you still looked as cute as ever to me, even though I knew you were dead.

Then mom said 'don't worry, her soul is following us.' I looked behind and there was another dog that looked just like you, following. It sniffed an open door we passed, and an expression crossed its face that looked just like one of yours. I forget exactly which expression it was now.

But when your 'soul' version came closer I saw it wasn't really you. It was another dog, with slightly darker fur. Then I looked at your head in the bag and you seemed to come alive a bit. Your eyes opened a little. I pet your head more. And then I could see your mouth was drooping and weird and I knew you were still dead.

But maybe if I kept petting you, you'd come alive again?

It was kind of a lucid dream, I guess, because it was disturbing, but not in the 'blood and guts' manner it would seem. Just disturbing more in a 'My mind is still having trouble coming to terms with the permanency of it all' type thing.

Watching CSI the night before probably helped too. But I also am confused and uncertain about the whole 'body-brain-soul' thing, and knowing what part exists, and what part is gone, and how can your body just disappear and turn into ashes overnight, when your soul was so vivid and alive still?

I'm confounded.