More thoughts on death..

Life is so lonely when someone you love most dies. Every other person or animal seems more like a robot, an unfit supplement, because they will never fill that same place.

I'm only 26 but I feel like I'm 86, just waiting for death to claim me. Life suddenly seems so long. And I wonder how real old people keep living when their loved ones are all gone. Do they find solace in others? The loneliness they have must be unbearable.

Life doesn't seem as precious as it once was, not when I'm so curious, so eager to get to the other side, because of that 1% chance that you, and the others that I loved, who died, may be there.

Today I want to remember.. that little bite on your nose that Beethovan gave you. The scar never did disappear. How I'd brush you and you'd enjoy it for a few seconds, but then get restless and keep trying to sneak away while I held your white legs.

Then when you finally got away you'd prance around and relish the freedom and sometimes it would be hard to get you back. Since it took an hour to brush you, I learned to give you a few breaks every so often.

You liked just lying on your side while being brushed, best. Because it required no effort. Silly lazy puppy. Then I'd have to flip you to the other side. Sometimes when I brushed your tummy your back leg would start shaking. I think its a nerve that all dogs have.

I won't forget how you shrieked so earnestly when Beethovan got to run outside and you didn't. You had a really piercing, incessant cry and you'd put your whole body into it. While Beethovan would just do this yawning cry.