3 weeks

Dear Lady,

It's been 3 weeks without you. The last time I ever took you for a walk, a mysterious bump appeared on my left hand. I thought it was a mosquito bite but it grew into something larger and wart-like. This never happened before. I believe in sychronicity. I got it treated with liquid nitrogen at the Dr's and now it's nearly disappeared. But I still see it and every time I look at it, it reminds me that I was walking you about a month and a half ago. Time is speeding away, but this wart links me to that one day in the past, and makes remember that it was real.

I still cry randomly several times a day, even when doing fun stuff like playing LBP. I've been depressed this month. Feel really, really sad and don't want to do anything productive except play videogame, eat icecream, sleep. Taking a shower and eating = such a chore. Don't want to go to work or organize my room. I think I'm sadder than most normal ppl would be. Sometimes I cry so hard I want to puke. I wish I was dead because if dead means non-existence, at least we could both be non-existent and in being in the same state I'd feel closer to you.

Life and death and everything in between seems so numb and insignificant and pointless. I find myself easily frustrated and angry at everyone I love.. family, boyfriend, friends. I feel like lashing out at ppl and things. I can laugh as I play a video game and tears are still dripping out of my eyes as I laugh.

As I drive down the street I picture your face in the vet's and feel so depressed I want to hit oncoming traffic. I picture your face and relive the last day of your life over and over in my mind.