Learning to Leave.
I always hate leaving or parting with anything familiar.. people or objects. I love change but I hate the end of things. When I was a toddler, my parents used to read me this little book of kids poems before bed. Twinkle twinkle, Winken, Blinken and Nod, etc. The last poem was about everyone going to sleep and I used to bawl my eyes out at the end, each time. I don't think I would have remembered it myself but sometime later my parents reminded me of it, and I immediately felt the same. Ever since I was 2, I've hated the Big Epic End of Things.
I also remember when my mom used to sleep in my bed sometimes, but it was a tiny single bed, so often she'd wait till I was asleep and sneak back to her double bed with my dad. Waking up on the mornings, subconsciously thinking she was still there, I experienced a horrid sense of abandonment when I saw the pillow next to mine with a dent where her head used to be.
Leaving my dog Beethovan behind in Ontario was much less dramatic, because we left assuming we'd see him again. I patted him on the head, took Lady, and left, not knowing that the next time I'd see him would be 7 years later, as he lay under a circle of round stones. Leaving my Uncle Tony was the same. The last time I saw him, I was sick and lying in my parents' bed. He lay a $20 bill on the pillow next to my cheek and left. I marvelled at how I took it in stride... until I cried 10 years later. Leaving my classmates followed the same patterns.. more excited about the impending change to be sad, until I was suddenly floored with a sense of loss later..
After the Ontario phase, I began to duck out of leaving ceremonies even more. Kept it low pro and subtle. When I left Swiss Chalet, I only told my managers. It made leaving so gloriously painless! No giving of speeches, no awkward silences, no repetitive ' best of lucks ' and ' keep in touches. ' Later, when I went to a coworker's wedding, I noticed that everyone avoided me.. most likely my less than thorough goodbye was interpreted as dislike of my old team. High on my newfound discovery, I took the same approach when I left SFU, when I left my church, and when I left Romania. I felt bad leaving Romania - they threw a big hoopla and I didn't have a speech prepared or anything. They asked if I had anything to say and I shook my head.
Recently I came to the conclusion that I really need to work on my leaving skills. Leaving is just as important as meeting, and getting acquainted parts. Because if you don't leave properly, the whole 'getting acquinted part' was just in vain.
So I made the whole leaving work thing a long drawn-out process this time. I wanted to make people feel good, feel appreciated. I was tired of people just leaving all the time and not saying a proper goodbye, not being recognized as having been a part of the office. So I notified my supe months in advance, spread the word myself soon after, sent my supe a cute cartoon'd letter two weeks in advance, and sent about 60 people an appreciative mass goodbye email 2 days before d-day. I started making some rounds several days in advance to indulge in some goodbye convos. Then, today, my supe really surprised me by actually pulling the whole team out of the queue for half an hour to give me flowers and eat a Hello Kitty ice cream cake.
In a way I felt guilty, because others who had left never received such treatment. I felt like I'd kind of asked for it via the elaborate goodbye process. I would have been happy had they not done that. But I also feel very flattered and humbled that they did. And most importantly I feel very satisfied by leaving properly for once.
